We have a question by anonymous
I sometimes feel very empty inside. I just can’t explain how it feels, it’s not pain, it’s not depression. There is this weird feeling of emptiness which haunts me from time to time. I am not unhappy, there is sno reason for me to be unhappy. But I do feel empty. What can I do about it?
We all feel this from time to time.
The feeling of “Emptiness”.
Nothing makes sense somehow. Your work, relationships, goals, esteem, pride, everything seems meaningless. You can’t find direction. You feel desolated. There is a silent mourning going inside you which makes you weak by the day. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
This is not pain. This is severe than pain. I have felt it myself so I know.
It’s not depression either. Depression is often tied to a reason. There has to be some sort of event which triggers depression. Loss of a career, job, studies, business, relationships are some common reasons which triggers depression.
There is no reason for emptiness though. You cannot find why you feel “empty” or “hollow” or “meaningless”. You don’t know why nothing makes sense. It’s like somebody has stolen the very meaning of everything from you, yet you can’t do anything about it.
Goals? What will happen if I achieve one goal? I will have another goal and another goal and another. This will not bring back the meaning which I am searching for. What is all this search worth?
Money, prosperity, well being – these things will not bring meaning either. These are activities which keeps you busy. You work to keep yourself busy. Work brings meaning but at some point in life, work becomes mundane. Pointless. That point when you have achieved so much that there is nothing left to achieve. There is no point in achieving any more. Why achieve? Why climb another mountain? What’s the purpose?
Friends are long gone and long lost. We now have acquaintances. Our friend circle changes every couple of years. Relationships are fragile. Nobody really cares about your existence. People talk, they listen, they seem to care about you but in reality, they don’t. They are so busy looking at themselves, they have very less time to look after you.
This emptiness is a very dangerous thing. It’s quiet, sitting there silently near your heels. It’s eating you up, one bite at a time. You know it, yet you can’t do anything about it. You want to know what you can do about it but nothing works. The gap grows wider and wider.
This happens when you start to question – why do you exist? Some people call it existential crisis. Others call it inner awakening.
There are multiple “self’s” sleeping inside you which you are not aware of. When one of these “self’s” awake, it creates a conflict of your own image in your own mind. Your brain is not wired to differentiate between these “self’s”. Which creates “emptiness”, the brain is not able to understand the sudden implication of the newer “self”.
The older “self” is slowly going to sleep and the mind is trying to identify the newer “self”. Since it is unaware of the “newer self”, it is taking it’s time to familiarize with the newer self. And there rises the conflict – “Antardwanda”.
This will be over in some time. It can take a few months to a decade, but it will be over.
And then, you are not the same person anymore. You have changed. Your “newer” self has taken over the older one. Your way of looking at things has changed. Your priorities in life has changed. Your way of setting goals has changed. The things that made you happy once will have no effect on you and very little things will give you solace and comfort.
It’s because you are not the same person anymore.
This is a silent awakening that happens to people and most of us do not even realize this phenomena taking over their personality.
Some people do realize it and these people feel “empty” during the transition period. It’s like a transformation which slowly changes your way of thinking, looking, behaving, interacting – everything. It changes your persona. It changes your outlook. It changes the way you think and feel.
Some people are very energetic in their teens but as they grow older, they become quiet and tranquil. Aggression is replaced by pacifism. This happens because every person has a “conflicting self” sleeping inside him, which is the exact opposite of how he currently is. That conflicting self may awake or may not, it depends.
But once that conflicting self starts to take over, the present self is somehow pacified over a period of time. It is during this transition period, the subject feels empty and desolated. Once the transition is over, the subject is a different human being altogether.
Fortunately or unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to wait and wait and wait. One day the wait will be over and you will not even know when you had stopped waiting.